just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
