Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
