how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
