It's Friday. Sex?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
