i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
