two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
