i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
