totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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