Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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