In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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