Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
