Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
