let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
