Tell her she can't have a vagina
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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