you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Help. Why am I so naked?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
