last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Everclear isn't food dammit
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
