I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
