Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
