The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
