I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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