I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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