Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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