All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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