What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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