i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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