Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
