I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
