The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
