The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
