I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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