just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
