You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
