What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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