no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
