K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
