hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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