while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
