is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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