We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
