i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
