I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
