my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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