do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
