someone get that fucking seahorse.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
