Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
