I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
