Whod you bang
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just cut my nipple shaving
are you so shy because you have an std?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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