I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
