just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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