Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
