So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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