Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
