I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
