Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
