i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
