I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
