Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
